I'm gonna have a badass scar
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
