Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
