Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
