Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
