Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
