Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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