Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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