Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think my mom watched the whole time
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
