If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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