On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
