i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's blow job season.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
