We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
