Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
