Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
