My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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