do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Couch. On fire.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
