Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
