I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
