So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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