god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
