mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're my little dorito
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
stop calling my apartment porn island.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
