all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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