so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
