I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
