I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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