I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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