she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
