I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
