ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
