Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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