It's like God shit irony all over that family
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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