But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
