he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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