My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize