True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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