She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
