My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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