Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
