where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
