Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
