What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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