I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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