OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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