get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
