i just google imaged poop.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Couch. On fire.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
