so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
