so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
