My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
