there was a trapeze. enough said
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
