dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I need to stop coming to work sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
