Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you told grandpa to call you daddy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
