I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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