Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
