Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think your dad took our porno
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
