Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You took a bar mat shot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
