i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
