Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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