I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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