Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
