i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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