Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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