Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
