i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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