I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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