Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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