I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
