Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
