your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
