Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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