walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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