just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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