walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
