Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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