I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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