mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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