Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
